My 24 Hours... Not as Eventful as Jack Bauer's, or so you Might Think!
Hahahaha, and who said I'm not an obsessive type?! I'm currently sitting here updating my journal, and defragmenting my gf's laptop which has never been done as far as I can remember, is over 3/4s full to it's memory capacity, and has millions of fragmented files, and she wonders why the bugger is being slow! Been sitting her for like 20 minutes already, and it's only 4% done, so this could take a while!
It's been another emotional 24 hours really. Anyone who has read my lady's journal knows we had an argument last night, and it came from absolutely nowhere! Shit, Bollocks, Damn, Fuck! Absolutely nowhere! It got to like 11:20 ish PM, and I decided to come off the computer, my lady was reading, engrosed in a novel, but I was bored stupid with sitting behind my laptop, so decided to depart for bed. And all I can remember from the emotion overdose, is she asked me what I was doing. I replied going to bed, and then we both seemed to completely get the wrong end of each other's sticks, and it went from there. She thought I had the arse with her, which I didn't, was just getting tired of being online and on the computer. Then she wanted me to decide whether we should watch an episode of 24 or she was staying up to read cos she wasn't tired. Which is fair enough, but I couldn't decide as I wanted her to do whatever she wanted to do the most. I really infuriate her when I'm indecisive, and I don't think thay helped. But then I didn't want her to think I was ordering her to get off the computer and watch a DVD just cos I wanted to do it. So we both ended up stressed about something inconsequential really, and something which should never have evolved into a disagreement!
I got riled and a bit mad, and she went in a strop, and instead of sorting it out and coming to a solution, we were both in a stupid sort of mood where I told her to do what she wanted, and she said she'd sleep outside (i.e. not in our bed). It was at that point I freaked. Not in an agressive mouthing off kinda way, which is a vast improvement from me, as I'm usually the vocal argumentative sort, but I simply said 'thanks' and went into the bedroom. Then the tears and hysteria started, eventually requiring me to rummage through a draw to find an asthma inhaler as I couldn't breathe. The last time FT said she wouldn't be sleeping in our bed and that was when we had a massive fall out in January. So I panicked, freaked and didn't know what to do! Then I could understand why things went like they did, I was being a prize dickhead and I could see every reason why we were falling out. But last night came from absolutely nowhere, and to hear her say she was sleeping elsewhere, just had me completely freaked and not knowing what to do.
You see, the one amazing thing about our relationship is that we talk about everything, and we talk everything through. Even when we have arguements or disagreements or aren't best pleased with the other, we always manage to sort it out, and never. Ever. Go to bed on an argument, or in separate rooms. I just felt gutted when she said that last night, and brought a blizzard of tears. It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and in the kidneys at the same time. I felt lower than I have done since we fell out in January, and since then I've been making huge efforts to improve and boost my self-esteem. And the one person in the world I tell everything to, and love more than anything and completes me and makes everything alright again, was the one person, it seemed, who wanted nothing to do with me.
I couldn't bring myself to come out of the bedroom and talk to her, as I was so panicked and shit scared that I thought she was going to tell me she wanted a break or didn't want to be with me anymore. But I couldn't stay in the bedroom crying, as I think I might have passed out through hysterical hyperventilation. So I took myself into the bathroom and sat on the floor in the shower with it running. The water running down my face forces me to breathe properly or I'll inhale water and drown. And I figured I'd sit there until the shower went cold to get some perspective of the situation, rather than completely freaking out!
I'd been in there a while, when my lady knocked at the door and came in. She turned the shower off and proceeded to get me out. Coming in with her clothes and slippers on. And then she dried me and made me sit while she dried my hair. I was seriously shitting a brick. I was half expecting her to say something like she loves me but needed a break or something. I sat between her legs with her drying my hair, half shivering through cold, and half trembling through nerves.
We eventually sat down on the bed and talked for a bit. Both of us talking and listening to each other's sides of the story, hearing each other out.
I hate arguing! And I spent most of my adolescence falling out with someone or another. And now, I live here with my lady, and she's the person I spend most of my time with, so generally she's the one who faces the brunt of it when arguements occur. I make it sound like we argue or have argued all the time, which is completely untrue, I'm merely illustrating the fact that somewhere in my personality is an argumentative nature, despite the fact it makes me physically ill. Yet, this is one aspect of my personality I have been working incredibly hard to change. I know you can't expect change to occur overnight, but I think I'm making a reasonable amount of progress. Things lately between me and FT have been incredible. Out of this world. Amazing! Again, I don't mean it to sound like it isn't like that usually, because it is. But things just seem to be getting better and better. More than I ever thought possible! I fall in love with her more every day, and the bond between us deepens every day. So, the argument from nothing completely knocked me off guard and made me panic. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms, and have her hold me in hers. To feel her, and feel safe, like nothing in the world could touch us, but I got scared and panicked, as I didn't think she wanted the same.It turns out it was a fucking completely pointless argument. Neither of us are to blame, we just completely misread and mis-reacted to each other. Then panic and fear set in, and we were both feeling like shit, but both too proud and scared to do anything. When we talked, we managed to sort everything out. It's a bit of a crap time for both of us at the minute. FT is stressed and worried about work and things, and I'm stressed from looking for work and feeling as though I can't lavish gifts and spoil my lady as much as I'd like because I just don't have the money at the minute. So I feel frustrated and useless, like I can't provide for my lady properly. But we both had a chat and told each other how we were feeling, and before long, were holding each other tightly in each others arms, which is what the two of us wanted in the first place.We lay in bed, and watched an episode of 24, just lying next to each other, touching and holding hands, restoring some normality and making the world a better place again. Before long, the episode was ending and time was cracking on, and my lady has to be up for early lectures on a Thursday morning, so we needed to get some sleep. But it never quite works out like that when you need to do something! And we ended up having incredible, mad, passionate, intense make-up sex. And it was amazing to be there, with her, giving her two orgasms, minutes apart, and then lying with her in my arms. Life felt safe and good again. Like nothing in the world mattered apart from being with each other, and being in love.
We woke up this morning, and had to rush for my lady's lectures. Things today have been amazing. Incredible and intense, and the events of last night seem like a distant memory.I've been out with Doofus today, around the shops to give my lady some space. Thursdays with her training is a busy day for her, and I wanted her to have some time to herself, which with lectures and seminars and readers and training is a rare commodity at the minute. And being broke, I couldn't go out and lavish expensive gifts on her. Although I did have a glance at some engagement rings... as it doesn't hurt to do some research on the market! In the end, I compromised and bought some nail polish and a foot stone to remove hard skin. I decided I'd be romantic and give my lady a pedicure. The full works: foot soak, nails cut, hard skin removed, foot massage and nails painted. And I fully intend to treat her when she gets home from training, with a luxury pedicure, if she's not too tired and worn out!
On another note, I've got a job interview on Tuesday for a possible teaching assistant position! So things may be looking up on the job front! Well, fingers crossed ay?!
I love my beautiful FT with all my heart, and all I want to do is make her happy and make her smile! And I can't believe how happy she makes me and how deeper I fall for her with every day that passes! I love you with all my heart you gorgeous woman! More than you could ever understand! You're incredible in every single way! And I just wanted to tell you and the whole world that! Infanam sweetheart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It's been another emotional 24 hours really. Anyone who has read my lady's journal knows we had an argument last night, and it came from absolutely nowhere! Shit, Bollocks, Damn, Fuck! Absolutely nowhere! It got to like 11:20 ish PM, and I decided to come off the computer, my lady was reading, engrosed in a novel, but I was bored stupid with sitting behind my laptop, so decided to depart for bed. And all I can remember from the emotion overdose, is she asked me what I was doing. I replied going to bed, and then we both seemed to completely get the wrong end of each other's sticks, and it went from there. She thought I had the arse with her, which I didn't, was just getting tired of being online and on the computer. Then she wanted me to decide whether we should watch an episode of 24 or she was staying up to read cos she wasn't tired. Which is fair enough, but I couldn't decide as I wanted her to do whatever she wanted to do the most. I really infuriate her when I'm indecisive, and I don't think thay helped. But then I didn't want her to think I was ordering her to get off the computer and watch a DVD just cos I wanted to do it. So we both ended up stressed about something inconsequential really, and something which should never have evolved into a disagreement!
I got riled and a bit mad, and she went in a strop, and instead of sorting it out and coming to a solution, we were both in a stupid sort of mood where I told her to do what she wanted, and she said she'd sleep outside (i.e. not in our bed). It was at that point I freaked. Not in an agressive mouthing off kinda way, which is a vast improvement from me, as I'm usually the vocal argumentative sort, but I simply said 'thanks' and went into the bedroom. Then the tears and hysteria started, eventually requiring me to rummage through a draw to find an asthma inhaler as I couldn't breathe. The last time FT said she wouldn't be sleeping in our bed and that was when we had a massive fall out in January. So I panicked, freaked and didn't know what to do! Then I could understand why things went like they did, I was being a prize dickhead and I could see every reason why we were falling out. But last night came from absolutely nowhere, and to hear her say she was sleeping elsewhere, just had me completely freaked and not knowing what to do.
You see, the one amazing thing about our relationship is that we talk about everything, and we talk everything through. Even when we have arguements or disagreements or aren't best pleased with the other, we always manage to sort it out, and never. Ever. Go to bed on an argument, or in separate rooms. I just felt gutted when she said that last night, and brought a blizzard of tears. It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and in the kidneys at the same time. I felt lower than I have done since we fell out in January, and since then I've been making huge efforts to improve and boost my self-esteem. And the one person in the world I tell everything to, and love more than anything and completes me and makes everything alright again, was the one person, it seemed, who wanted nothing to do with me.
I couldn't bring myself to come out of the bedroom and talk to her, as I was so panicked and shit scared that I thought she was going to tell me she wanted a break or didn't want to be with me anymore. But I couldn't stay in the bedroom crying, as I think I might have passed out through hysterical hyperventilation. So I took myself into the bathroom and sat on the floor in the shower with it running. The water running down my face forces me to breathe properly or I'll inhale water and drown. And I figured I'd sit there until the shower went cold to get some perspective of the situation, rather than completely freaking out!
I'd been in there a while, when my lady knocked at the door and came in. She turned the shower off and proceeded to get me out. Coming in with her clothes and slippers on. And then she dried me and made me sit while she dried my hair. I was seriously shitting a brick. I was half expecting her to say something like she loves me but needed a break or something. I sat between her legs with her drying my hair, half shivering through cold, and half trembling through nerves.
We eventually sat down on the bed and talked for a bit. Both of us talking and listening to each other's sides of the story, hearing each other out.
I hate arguing! And I spent most of my adolescence falling out with someone or another. And now, I live here with my lady, and she's the person I spend most of my time with, so generally she's the one who faces the brunt of it when arguements occur. I make it sound like we argue or have argued all the time, which is completely untrue, I'm merely illustrating the fact that somewhere in my personality is an argumentative nature, despite the fact it makes me physically ill. Yet, this is one aspect of my personality I have been working incredibly hard to change. I know you can't expect change to occur overnight, but I think I'm making a reasonable amount of progress. Things lately between me and FT have been incredible. Out of this world. Amazing! Again, I don't mean it to sound like it isn't like that usually, because it is. But things just seem to be getting better and better. More than I ever thought possible! I fall in love with her more every day, and the bond between us deepens every day. So, the argument from nothing completely knocked me off guard and made me panic. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms, and have her hold me in hers. To feel her, and feel safe, like nothing in the world could touch us, but I got scared and panicked, as I didn't think she wanted the same.It turns out it was a fucking completely pointless argument. Neither of us are to blame, we just completely misread and mis-reacted to each other. Then panic and fear set in, and we were both feeling like shit, but both too proud and scared to do anything. When we talked, we managed to sort everything out. It's a bit of a crap time for both of us at the minute. FT is stressed and worried about work and things, and I'm stressed from looking for work and feeling as though I can't lavish gifts and spoil my lady as much as I'd like because I just don't have the money at the minute. So I feel frustrated and useless, like I can't provide for my lady properly. But we both had a chat and told each other how we were feeling, and before long, were holding each other tightly in each others arms, which is what the two of us wanted in the first place.We lay in bed, and watched an episode of 24, just lying next to each other, touching and holding hands, restoring some normality and making the world a better place again. Before long, the episode was ending and time was cracking on, and my lady has to be up for early lectures on a Thursday morning, so we needed to get some sleep. But it never quite works out like that when you need to do something! And we ended up having incredible, mad, passionate, intense make-up sex. And it was amazing to be there, with her, giving her two orgasms, minutes apart, and then lying with her in my arms. Life felt safe and good again. Like nothing in the world mattered apart from being with each other, and being in love.
We woke up this morning, and had to rush for my lady's lectures. Things today have been amazing. Incredible and intense, and the events of last night seem like a distant memory.I've been out with Doofus today, around the shops to give my lady some space. Thursdays with her training is a busy day for her, and I wanted her to have some time to herself, which with lectures and seminars and readers and training is a rare commodity at the minute. And being broke, I couldn't go out and lavish expensive gifts on her. Although I did have a glance at some engagement rings... as it doesn't hurt to do some research on the market! In the end, I compromised and bought some nail polish and a foot stone to remove hard skin. I decided I'd be romantic and give my lady a pedicure. The full works: foot soak, nails cut, hard skin removed, foot massage and nails painted. And I fully intend to treat her when she gets home from training, with a luxury pedicure, if she's not too tired and worn out!
On another note, I've got a job interview on Tuesday for a possible teaching assistant position! So things may be looking up on the job front! Well, fingers crossed ay?!
I love my beautiful FT with all my heart, and all I want to do is make her happy and make her smile! And I can't believe how happy she makes me and how deeper I fall for her with every day that passes! I love you with all my heart you gorgeous woman! More than you could ever understand! You're incredible in every single way! And I just wanted to tell you and the whole world that! Infanam sweetheart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
posted by doctorlucy @ 7:34 pm
1 Comments:
At 9:37 am,
Anonymous said…
This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.
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