Wind me up and watch me go!
I'm a bit of a clockwork toy in that respect. If you wind me up enough, then I'll react! It's a sure fire piece of my anatomy, and I've had it a couple of times over the past few days!
Firstly, today I had a cold call on my mobile from a different mobile network trying to get my to sign up with them and ditch my current company. That's NOT going to happen. And in spite of me repeatedly telling the guy I was more than happy with the package and company that I am with, he continued to keep on with the 'are you sure?' question. How many times did I have to reassure him and insist that I was fine the way I was. Then it was the 'don't you want to save money' tactic. To be honest, I'm on a good deal with what I've got and it suits me down to the ground. And even if that wasn't the case, then I'd rather pay a bit extra to be with a company that bend over backwards to help you rather than one that signs you up and then isn't interested afterwards. So I insisted I was fine as I was, and no, I didn't want to save any more money that I am already doing with the package I am on. So then it was 'I can't hear you, your service is really bad, are you sure you wouldn't want to join our more reliable service?'. Well, everytime I tried to interject and say that I could hear him perfectly well, and that no one else ever has problems hearing me at that position in my house, he kept cutting in and saying 'I can;t hear you, you're breaking up'. Well hang the fucking phone up then arsehole! What a knob! It was obvious I wasn't interested. I even asked him to modify his records so that I didn't get anymore calls wasting my or their time. But no, the wanker kept on badgering me, to the point... yes. He wound me up and watched me go! I ended up telling him not to 'waste my fucking time', and hung the phone up. He hasn't rung back as yet, but I doubt they've got the message. Cold callers rarely do!
I shan't be as patient next time! So be warned arseholes!
The other 'wind me up and watch me go' comment relates to my 'jealous button' as FT and I affectionately term it. Yes, yes, shock horror, I have one HELL of a jealous button! And it doesn't take much at all to activate it. In actual fact, it takes far less to activate it than you might think, even to the point that sometimes, I've learnt to have it activated but manage to compose myself and not react. Not sure whether it's a good thing or not to be the jealous type. I suppose in some ways it is healthy cos it lets the other person know how you feel, but sometimes it can be exceptionally bad. Fortunately I've managed to work through my jealousy problems a bit, from the extreme jealous bursts that I used to exhibit (I was a right fuckwit back then), to the more mild form, where I no longer get jealous to the point of out of control, but sometimes it is like I lose sense of my importance and it feels like the rest of the world does too and there begins a battle within myself where I don't feel good enough for the world or circumstances surrounding me, I feel as though certain people have more to offer, you can't compete with history for example, and it's then I get jealous. Obviously it's more complex than that, and a problem within myself, which I doubt that I'll ever fully cure, but it has improved, and hopefully, will continue to do so.
The thing with FT, is I tend to get jealous really easily. I see this amazing woman. Beautiful, strong, independent, outgoing, corageous and so full of life. I'm none of that, and I'm an analyst of this world. It's the scientist in me. And it sees me looking at her, and how she reacts to other people and the world around her, and sometimes I just feel as though I hold her back. Or other people have so much more to offer her than I do. The way she smiles when she hears from someone she hasn't seen for a while for example. Because of the way I perceive myself, and the fact that I'm never there to see her face when she hears from me for the first time in a while, I wonder whether I have the same effect. And I sometimes feels as though I can't compete with people she has a history with. I only see that I hold her back, or as though I'm not as confident or as outgoing, or as adventurous as she'd like.
Anyway, my reason for bringing it up is that FT tried to call one of her ex's yesterday, to catch up. Well, I feel a bit like this ex in particular tends to do her level best to avoid me. We've tried meeting up when we've both been in London, and it's just be a complete no go. Plus when FT was on the phone to her once and I came in, she made likely to end the conversation sharpish. Yes, I know I've been fairly jealous in the past over it all, but I wouldn't be half as bad if it wasn't completely blown out of the water when I try to make the effort. I think without that hurdle out of the way, and all the seemingly 'cloak and dagger' stuff out of the way, then I can bury this insane jealousy once and for all!
The thing is, FT loves to press my jealous button! She loves driving me insane, and she's the naturally wild, flirty type, and loves nothing more than to drive me insane with jealousy with both of us knowing exactly what's going on, but both safe in the knowledge that we're the only ones for each other. And that's the thing. I'm perfectly secure in our relationship and I know how she feels about me, but I still get crazily jealous! So my point being, is the past couple of days, she has been pressing my jealous button, and she's had her response! I didn't flip out or anything. Let's just say the jealousy tollerance at the moment is incredibly low, what with me having to go away and her only just getting back! I'm feeling very up in the air at the moment. It's too soon for me to be going away. We both agreed that. Neither of us are ready to be apart so soon just yet. I don't even want to think about the void that I feel when she's not there.
I went out with FT and Spoons this morning, watching them work. We walked right down a long main road, and stopped in Starbucks and caught a bus back to the car. It's absolutely amazing to have been able to watch their process of bonding and working together. I was there the first time they walked when they started training, and they're near the end now, and just to see the difference in them both. It's absolutely amazing! I can see now how so perfect for each other they are! The way they anticipate each other's moves and reactions and all the different complexities they face when walking that other people just take for granted. It's out of this world amazing! It's incredible just how this whole process has gone, and I consider myself so privelidged that I've got to see the working and bonding process first hand. I'm so proud of them both, and no one can take that away from me!
We've spent a couple of hours this afternoon putting FT's Africa photos into an album that I bought her. I knew she'd love it. It's brown suede and just the sort of thing I knew she'd adore. She's written this little montage for me to copy into the front of it, and she's dead proud of this photo album! She's planning on taking it home to show friends and family and everyone. I'm glad I've managed to get my head out of my arse about the whole Africa thing, and managed to help FT do something that has put such a smile on her face and made her so happy. I just feel so privelidged that I've been able to share part of it with her. It means more to me than I could explain!
Firstly, today I had a cold call on my mobile from a different mobile network trying to get my to sign up with them and ditch my current company. That's NOT going to happen. And in spite of me repeatedly telling the guy I was more than happy with the package and company that I am with, he continued to keep on with the 'are you sure?' question. How many times did I have to reassure him and insist that I was fine the way I was. Then it was the 'don't you want to save money' tactic. To be honest, I'm on a good deal with what I've got and it suits me down to the ground. And even if that wasn't the case, then I'd rather pay a bit extra to be with a company that bend over backwards to help you rather than one that signs you up and then isn't interested afterwards. So I insisted I was fine as I was, and no, I didn't want to save any more money that I am already doing with the package I am on. So then it was 'I can't hear you, your service is really bad, are you sure you wouldn't want to join our more reliable service?'. Well, everytime I tried to interject and say that I could hear him perfectly well, and that no one else ever has problems hearing me at that position in my house, he kept cutting in and saying 'I can;t hear you, you're breaking up'. Well hang the fucking phone up then arsehole! What a knob! It was obvious I wasn't interested. I even asked him to modify his records so that I didn't get anymore calls wasting my or their time. But no, the wanker kept on badgering me, to the point... yes. He wound me up and watched me go! I ended up telling him not to 'waste my fucking time', and hung the phone up. He hasn't rung back as yet, but I doubt they've got the message. Cold callers rarely do!
I shan't be as patient next time! So be warned arseholes!
The other 'wind me up and watch me go' comment relates to my 'jealous button' as FT and I affectionately term it. Yes, yes, shock horror, I have one HELL of a jealous button! And it doesn't take much at all to activate it. In actual fact, it takes far less to activate it than you might think, even to the point that sometimes, I've learnt to have it activated but manage to compose myself and not react. Not sure whether it's a good thing or not to be the jealous type. I suppose in some ways it is healthy cos it lets the other person know how you feel, but sometimes it can be exceptionally bad. Fortunately I've managed to work through my jealousy problems a bit, from the extreme jealous bursts that I used to exhibit (I was a right fuckwit back then), to the more mild form, where I no longer get jealous to the point of out of control, but sometimes it is like I lose sense of my importance and it feels like the rest of the world does too and there begins a battle within myself where I don't feel good enough for the world or circumstances surrounding me, I feel as though certain people have more to offer, you can't compete with history for example, and it's then I get jealous. Obviously it's more complex than that, and a problem within myself, which I doubt that I'll ever fully cure, but it has improved, and hopefully, will continue to do so.
The thing with FT, is I tend to get jealous really easily. I see this amazing woman. Beautiful, strong, independent, outgoing, corageous and so full of life. I'm none of that, and I'm an analyst of this world. It's the scientist in me. And it sees me looking at her, and how she reacts to other people and the world around her, and sometimes I just feel as though I hold her back. Or other people have so much more to offer her than I do. The way she smiles when she hears from someone she hasn't seen for a while for example. Because of the way I perceive myself, and the fact that I'm never there to see her face when she hears from me for the first time in a while, I wonder whether I have the same effect. And I sometimes feels as though I can't compete with people she has a history with. I only see that I hold her back, or as though I'm not as confident or as outgoing, or as adventurous as she'd like.
Anyway, my reason for bringing it up is that FT tried to call one of her ex's yesterday, to catch up. Well, I feel a bit like this ex in particular tends to do her level best to avoid me. We've tried meeting up when we've both been in London, and it's just be a complete no go. Plus when FT was on the phone to her once and I came in, she made likely to end the conversation sharpish. Yes, I know I've been fairly jealous in the past over it all, but I wouldn't be half as bad if it wasn't completely blown out of the water when I try to make the effort. I think without that hurdle out of the way, and all the seemingly 'cloak and dagger' stuff out of the way, then I can bury this insane jealousy once and for all!
The thing is, FT loves to press my jealous button! She loves driving me insane, and she's the naturally wild, flirty type, and loves nothing more than to drive me insane with jealousy with both of us knowing exactly what's going on, but both safe in the knowledge that we're the only ones for each other. And that's the thing. I'm perfectly secure in our relationship and I know how she feels about me, but I still get crazily jealous! So my point being, is the past couple of days, she has been pressing my jealous button, and she's had her response! I didn't flip out or anything. Let's just say the jealousy tollerance at the moment is incredibly low, what with me having to go away and her only just getting back! I'm feeling very up in the air at the moment. It's too soon for me to be going away. We both agreed that. Neither of us are ready to be apart so soon just yet. I don't even want to think about the void that I feel when she's not there.
I went out with FT and Spoons this morning, watching them work. We walked right down a long main road, and stopped in Starbucks and caught a bus back to the car. It's absolutely amazing to have been able to watch their process of bonding and working together. I was there the first time they walked when they started training, and they're near the end now, and just to see the difference in them both. It's absolutely amazing! I can see now how so perfect for each other they are! The way they anticipate each other's moves and reactions and all the different complexities they face when walking that other people just take for granted. It's out of this world amazing! It's incredible just how this whole process has gone, and I consider myself so privelidged that I've got to see the working and bonding process first hand. I'm so proud of them both, and no one can take that away from me!
We've spent a couple of hours this afternoon putting FT's Africa photos into an album that I bought her. I knew she'd love it. It's brown suede and just the sort of thing I knew she'd adore. She's written this little montage for me to copy into the front of it, and she's dead proud of this photo album! She's planning on taking it home to show friends and family and everyone. I'm glad I've managed to get my head out of my arse about the whole Africa thing, and managed to help FT do something that has put such a smile on her face and made her so happy. I just feel so privelidged that I've been able to share part of it with her. It means more to me than I could explain!
posted by doctorlucy @ 4:05 pm
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