Life right now...
OK, so I haven't updated for a while, and to be honest, I'll be damn lucky if anyone bothers stopping by anymore! That said, this is an important time for me to make the effort to try and post my thoughts and feelings, so I'll carry on regardless.
FT and I went on our amazing holiday to Tunisia. The weather was bloody hot, and there was plenty of sun, sea, sand with an extra helping of sex! Oh yes... it was completely what we needed! It was great to get away, just the two of us, with no distractions of any variety, where we could completely focus on relaxing, having a good time, and enjoying each other! We spent a bit more money on this holiday this year, and opted for a 4 star half-board package, and it worked out damn well! The hotel was beautiful! Clean everywhere, with for the most part, friendly, helpful staff, and the room was big, with a beautiful balcony overlooking Sousse, and it even had air conditioning! And the food was incredible! I've never been half-board before, but there was so much to choose from, and never the same thing each night! And you could eat as much as you wanted! Mmm, we were in heaven!
We spent most of the week by the pool of the hotel, which has to be about the nicest pool I have ever been in! And after a couple of day of searching, normality was restored when we tracked down a perfect lilo for us to fight over and push each other off! I loved every second of it, and on the last couple of days, I got way to over excited with the lilo, and ended up giving it a slow puncture when my necklace caught it! Oops... but it certainly had a good innings!
I'm not a water baby me. Not in the slightest. I never have been. Yet by the end of our week, I was jumping in the pool, and being dunked by FT and all sorts! I have never been so comfortable in water, and I certainly wasn't in Cyprus last year! Yet there is something about this incredible woman that has me releasing all my inhibitions and doing things I never thought possible! It's amazing! She even managed to talk me into going on a camel! Something I refused to do on holiday with the parents as a kid, but surprisingly, I enjoyed it... despite having a completely sore arse for days after!
It provided a good few photos as well... speaking of which, I still need to upload them and get them developed!
So we returned with bracelets sporting each others names in arabic, and with fancy henna tatoos on our arms, legs, hands and shoulders... one of mine included FT's name in arabic on my left forearm, and I love it!!! I'm so in love with this woman!!!
Since we got back, things here for me have been difficult. There is no other word.
I've retreated completely into my own world, and haven't really let anyone in. I never really looked past our holiday, and then, all of a sudden, when we got back, it was countdown time to FT going to Africa for a month.
I know I sound completely selfish. It's something she really wants to do, and it's only a month. And I know it's crazy, because I know we are capable of getting through this. But there is just so much of me that can't stand to be without her, even if that makes me sound like a pathetic girlfriend, or unsupportive. It's not even like I'm not supportive, and that I'm not supporting her fulfilling her dream, despite the fact it feels like I'm not. I do support her, and I'm there for her 110%, but it doesn't stop me hurting at the thought of being without her for such a long time! Some of you might say that a month isn't a long time, but from the point of view that we live together, and spend every night in each others arms, and have been living together in some form or other since before we even got together, a month seems like forever! I know we used to spend as much as three weeks apart during university holidays before we got a place of our own and things like that, but we were always contactable! There was always someone there to read her text messages if I wanted to tell her 'I love you', or I could always ring her mobile if I needed to hear her voice, and even if she couldn't talk or if it was switched off, I could leave a message. This isn't like that! Right now she's been away a week. I've no idea how I've managed a whole week!
Well, I do! It's been with lots of help from my bestest bud Doofus and my Mum who's come to stay. But I'm working this week, and completely all on my own. Like right now, this is the longest I've been on my own since FT left, and I'm missing her like mad. I've got that scared, need a poo feeling right now, and I know that if I can talk to her, it will make such a difference to how I'm feeling right now, but I've been trying for the past 2 and a half hours, and I can't get through.
It's times like this that a month seems like forever! I think I'm going to go and try again, and see if I can find something to take my mind off of the distance for a bit!
FT and I went on our amazing holiday to Tunisia. The weather was bloody hot, and there was plenty of sun, sea, sand with an extra helping of sex! Oh yes... it was completely what we needed! It was great to get away, just the two of us, with no distractions of any variety, where we could completely focus on relaxing, having a good time, and enjoying each other! We spent a bit more money on this holiday this year, and opted for a 4 star half-board package, and it worked out damn well! The hotel was beautiful! Clean everywhere, with for the most part, friendly, helpful staff, and the room was big, with a beautiful balcony overlooking Sousse, and it even had air conditioning! And the food was incredible! I've never been half-board before, but there was so much to choose from, and never the same thing each night! And you could eat as much as you wanted! Mmm, we were in heaven!
We spent most of the week by the pool of the hotel, which has to be about the nicest pool I have ever been in! And after a couple of day of searching, normality was restored when we tracked down a perfect lilo for us to fight over and push each other off! I loved every second of it, and on the last couple of days, I got way to over excited with the lilo, and ended up giving it a slow puncture when my necklace caught it! Oops... but it certainly had a good innings!
I'm not a water baby me. Not in the slightest. I never have been. Yet by the end of our week, I was jumping in the pool, and being dunked by FT and all sorts! I have never been so comfortable in water, and I certainly wasn't in Cyprus last year! Yet there is something about this incredible woman that has me releasing all my inhibitions and doing things I never thought possible! It's amazing! She even managed to talk me into going on a camel! Something I refused to do on holiday with the parents as a kid, but surprisingly, I enjoyed it... despite having a completely sore arse for days after!
It provided a good few photos as well... speaking of which, I still need to upload them and get them developed!
So we returned with bracelets sporting each others names in arabic, and with fancy henna tatoos on our arms, legs, hands and shoulders... one of mine included FT's name in arabic on my left forearm, and I love it!!! I'm so in love with this woman!!!
Since we got back, things here for me have been difficult. There is no other word.
I've retreated completely into my own world, and haven't really let anyone in. I never really looked past our holiday, and then, all of a sudden, when we got back, it was countdown time to FT going to Africa for a month.
I know I sound completely selfish. It's something she really wants to do, and it's only a month. And I know it's crazy, because I know we are capable of getting through this. But there is just so much of me that can't stand to be without her, even if that makes me sound like a pathetic girlfriend, or unsupportive. It's not even like I'm not supportive, and that I'm not supporting her fulfilling her dream, despite the fact it feels like I'm not. I do support her, and I'm there for her 110%, but it doesn't stop me hurting at the thought of being without her for such a long time! Some of you might say that a month isn't a long time, but from the point of view that we live together, and spend every night in each others arms, and have been living together in some form or other since before we even got together, a month seems like forever! I know we used to spend as much as three weeks apart during university holidays before we got a place of our own and things like that, but we were always contactable! There was always someone there to read her text messages if I wanted to tell her 'I love you', or I could always ring her mobile if I needed to hear her voice, and even if she couldn't talk or if it was switched off, I could leave a message. This isn't like that! Right now she's been away a week. I've no idea how I've managed a whole week!
Well, I do! It's been with lots of help from my bestest bud Doofus and my Mum who's come to stay. But I'm working this week, and completely all on my own. Like right now, this is the longest I've been on my own since FT left, and I'm missing her like mad. I've got that scared, need a poo feeling right now, and I know that if I can talk to her, it will make such a difference to how I'm feeling right now, but I've been trying for the past 2 and a half hours, and I can't get through.
It's times like this that a month seems like forever! I think I'm going to go and try again, and see if I can find something to take my mind off of the distance for a bit!
posted by doctorlucy @ 3:28 pm
3 comments
